February 1st was the nine year anniversary of the worst and best night of my life. I feared for my and my daughter's life as my abuser got more and more violent with me and then tried to go for my daughter's room. I ended up in the hospital with a concussion, my daughter was thankfully untouched but terrified, and my abuser was arrested. Seven years ago I mustered the courage to finally share my story publicly and I will NEVER stop sharing, educating, and doing my part to end domestic abuse. 

I wanted to share my biggest piece of advice for any unhealthy situation. Whether it has to do with your job, a family member, your S/O, co-parenting, etc. And that is DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. And I mean, everything. I took photos of every single mark my abuser left on me, saved every nasty voicemail he left me, and screenshotted every awful text message I ever received or found on his phone. I backed up everything through my email and this evidence is the only reason he got a felony conviction which led to everything going my way in court and, eventually, a seamless termination of his parental rights. It helps to add a few notes with it (like an annotation) so you know date, time, situation, circumstances, etc. 

If you are afraid anything you save might be found, send it to a friend's email with their understanding to put in a folder, and delete all evidence of it off your phone (including sent messages!!). Safety is key for yourself but when it comes to justice, unfortunately you have to do most of the leg work to get any help.

I will add: although the abuse lasted for 3 years, we had recently moved to a new area and they could only use what I had saved since had starting living there. It had only been five months, but I still had plenty of evidence for them.

Documenting is also extremely important for yourself. Abusers and narcissists (often one in the same) will almost always gaslight and manipulate their victims. The goal is for the person experiencing the abuse to doubt their reality-- to question whether what is happening is real or not. Keeping record of everything that happens can help validate what you're going through and remind you that yes, these are not just one-offs, they are a pattern of behavior.

I acknowledge that this can be extremely emotionally taxing, but it is one of the most important and valuable steps you can take for your future. 

Always, with love and empowerment, 

Jamie